My life is full of blunders and stupid mistakes. Like, you know when you turn in an assignment and you get a low grade and you realize that you missed the stupidest question? That happens to me with everything. Like, why did I say something so dumb? Why did I walk away? It sucks. I always question my actions and wonder what possessed me to make dumb mistakes.

One mistake that I regret is nervousness. I used to never get nervous. Now, I think too much and it messes me up so bad. So, in band (to whoever isn’t in their school concert/marching band) there’s an individual competition called All-State. And in my area, (I don’t know if the name differs from region to region) the first step is All-Valley which decides the best of the best from our region (an area of about 20 schools). Next, is Pre-Area then Area and then State. I choked in Pre-Area. I did so amazing in practice but once I was in the chair about to play my music, I got so nervous and shaky that I screwed everything up. It’s horrible. 9 people from my school made it to Area. I wasn’t one of them. I hate it because I’m a senior and I couldn’t make it… Anyways, Area was this past weekend and we had 3 people make it to State which is a prestigious title in the band world. It was a freshman who is real close to me, an ANNOYING ass girl who we all hate, and Darren.

Of course Darren made it. He’s an amazing trumpet player. He doesn’t even try and he gets 1st all the time. Moving on, today was a large step away from my blunders. I went out on a limb and asked Darren to PROM. I didn’t have time to ask him during school so I texted him. It was the stupidest text ever but it did the job. I sent “Take me to prom… Please?” And he replied with “I was gonna go with Riley and Amy just asked me too but I’ll tell them both no.” I screamed! He said yes!!! He even turned 2 other girls down! YAY! I sent him another text back but he never replied. I freaked out because OMG what if he changed his mind? Hopefully not. He’ll probably tell me more details tomorrow.

So maybe this is helping me get over my blunders. I’m trying to quit making mistakes. I hate living in Blunderland.


What a DRAG.

School is such a drag. ESPECIALLY if you’re a senior in high school. It feels like it’s going by fast but it’s extremely boring. I have only 6 classes but some of them are ridiculous!! My 1st period is concert band and, of course, I love it. It sucks because my director wants us in our chairs with our instruments by 7:30 a.m. I HATE waking up early.

Then, I go to my AP calculus class. No. Just no. I hate math and this class is just terrible. I took algebra I when I was in 8th grade so I’m a whole year ahead of most of all the other seniors in math. There’s only 11 people in my cal class. That must tell you how much it SUCKS. And my teacher looks like Bubble Bass.


A spitting image of Bubble Bass teaches me math. He’s monotone and puts us to sleep and shows us calculus songs when we finish our lesson early. Yeah, that’s another thing. We never get a break in that class. It’s work work work work. At least it’s a big GPA boost.

Next, I go to Macroeconomics. It’s supposed to be a hard class. NOPE. Our teacher just has us doing busy work the whole time. Like, we copy terms from the glossary or write paragraphs of something dumb. We literally wrote a poem today about our Christmas break. A SIX LINE POEM. Ugh. This is not preparing me for college. Plus, I have PREPS in that class. I need to do a post about preps. I hate them with everything in me. They’re stupid “cool” kids. Whatever.

Then, I go to Biology. My absolute hardest class. My teacher is a try-hard but I love her. We do a lot of work but it will pay off later. I have a bunch of nerdy people in that class which I hate because I never get to answer questions. I’m smart, but I’m not them. I have like 5 people in that class that are in the top 10 students. I hate it!! I’m #14 but I feel stupid next to them >.<

My last 2 classes are a joke. English IV and Spanish III. My english teacher is a hippie who tells us about when she used to smoke pot. Enough said. And my spanish teacher doesn’t even care what we do. That’s good though because I know very little spanish.

So, yeah. I hate school this year.

Quick Post

Tomorrow is my first day back at school. I made this blog on the first day of my Christmas break so I never blogged about school. Now you guys can read about the shit hole I attend! Fun! I hope you guys are starting your new year on a good note like I’m trying to!

Casual Sex? Excuse me?

I don’t even know anymore. I feel so heartbroken over something silly. I haven’t felt like this in forever! So, today, Darren texted me that he wanted to go out and of course I said yes. I picked him up and we just drove around for a long while. I like driving with him because it gives us time to talk alone.

Okay, so we’re driving and he starts talking about what he’s done over the break. He mentions going to a bud’s house and then he says “I was going out of town with Tony to go have sex with this girl.” (Tony is his BFF). And I’m just like WHAT.

Let me clarify something really quick. Darren is definitely NOT a virgin. He did it with his most recent girlfriend (which was about a year ago) and since then, he’s gone to parties, gotten drunk and apparently had flings with girls from out of town. Maybe it isn’t true but I don’t doubt him. He always goes with Tony to hook up with these flings and I’m not close enough with Tony to ask for the truth.

So, when Darren told me he planned on having sex a week ago, I was crushed. I knew he would do it before we got close but I seriously thought we had a “thing”. I mean, we’ve been so close and we have a history and he just decides to have casual sex? He didn’t after all because the girls didn’t show or something but just the thought that he’d do that is just horrid. Yes, I know we aren’t together but we have something. I see it. EVERYONE sees it. I got a random twitter message from this girl the other day saying that he and I make a cute couple and we already look like one. I showed him the tweet and he started laughing and said how his mom is urging him to date me. But, of course, all we do is laugh. Nothing else happens.

As we kept driving, I held back tears. I’m an emotional person and I didn’t take his story well. He kept talking about other things like playing the piano or something but I was spacing out. I was focused on the road and staying sane. I’m not even with him but I want to commit and I am. Neither of us ever talk about another girl or boy in our lives but today really put up a big barrier between us. I don’t start school again until Tuesday so tomorrow, I’m hanging out with Darren and Chris. Fun.

Netflix. Enough said.

I have wasted away my Christmas break. I already posted about this subject but oh my gosh I’m seriously messing myself up! I spend my day with my tv on a Tv show or a movie and with my laptop or DS in my hands. I love Netflix, don’t get me wrong, but it ruined my break. I blame myself, though. But, as I read my friend’s tweets, I can see that they’re Christmas breaks are exactly like mine so I don’t feel so bad.

So I’ve watched the first seasons of American Horror Story (THE ABSOLUTE BEST) and Being Human. I’m not usually into Anime but I loved Sailor Moon when I was younger so I thought I’d give it a try. I watched a show called Fruit Baskets and it had me laughing and crying for its 26 episodes. I was so sad when it ended. Like, no second season?? Ugh. Anyway, I started another Anime called Baka Test but I put it on hold and started watching Adam Sandler’s “Big Daddy” because I had never seen it. I watched a few episodes of That 70’s Show and America’s Funniest Home Videos. Right now, I’m watching 1000 Ways to Die and omg it is SO interesting but some people are just so stupid.

So, that’s how my time has passed for the last couple of days. I get on Tumblr from time to time but Netflix is always on in the background.

Holiday’s Break

What are you SUPPOSED to do on winter’s break? Go on vacation? Or sleep all day? Both are amazing but I never feel fulfilled when I stay in bed all day (even though that’s my fave thing to do).

I have done NOTHING this break. I went out once with Darren. Yeah, that’s my holiday break. For the past few days, I’ve been wasting away on my bed watching shows on Netflix. It look me less than 2 days to watch American Horror Story because I’ve just stayed in bed. I go to sleep at 4:00 am because I’m watching shows and I wake up at around 2:00 pm. I HATE waking up late! It’s a horrible feeling! And what am I supposed to do when school starts again? How am I going to fall asleep at 11 like I used to? 

I haven’t even contacted most of my friends this break. The only people that I’ve texted with are Darren and my best girl friend Lily. I always text with Darren. Except for yesterday because he didn’t text me all day! I got him into American Horror Story also so he might be watching it. But, all day? I don’t even know why I’m so worked up. I mean, he’s not my boyfriend. I’m just used to him texting me every day. 

Anyway, my break is being wasted away. But, I kinda like it like this. Just doing nothing is my favorite thing to do. And thanks to staying up so late, I get to hear the sounds of my sleeping family. My mom snores. My dad snores extremely loud. And my little sister starts mumbling in her sleep right around 3:00 am. That kind of creeps the hell outta me. She did it once and I thought it was just a fluke but she’s done it for 3 nights in a row already. I always said she was the devil child but this is just weird. Maybe it just means she’s fast asleep. 

I’m about to go out for lunch with my mom and sister for chinese food. Yay! I hope everyone else’s holiday break is going great!

Does a new year equal a new you?

I was out of town for the weekend with no internet so I had no wordpress for a while but I’m back! I’m excited to be back with my fingers burning to type 😀

So I want to talk about this “new you” stuff. My whole damn twitter timeline has blown up with the same people talking about a “new me”. Like, seriously? You say this EVERY year and you’re still the same stuck up girl who is passed from guy to guy. It’s annoying but I want to live by the “new me” lifestyle.

I’ve recently (since last week) gone on a diet where I cut out all drinks except water and I only eat my necessary meals. Like, no snacks and when I do snack, I only eat the serving size. I’ve only exercised once and I lost 5 lbs in 3 days! I’m so proud of myself. Today it might have come back because I ate cake at my family’s new years party >.< But, I’m going jogging tomorrow! Hopefully! I’m not necessarily “fat” but I have some rolls that came in this year. I was always at a comfortable weight of 140 but it recently went up to 150 in a matter of 2 months and it was still increasing so I needed to stop. I’m down to 144 and hopefully I’ll stay down. I guess that’s a normal weight for my height (5 foot 5 inches) but I want to be even more comfortable in my own skin. I can make it work!

Okay, this is my day in a brief paragraph (by brief, I probably don’t mean brief). I came back home at abut 6:00 pm and had to change and freshen up to go to my mom’s best friend’s house to celebrate new year’s eve. We drove 15 minutes to my mom’s friend’s house and it turns out that there was a bunch of people there. So we got off the truck and everyone greeted us and I saw my mom’s friend’s daughter (she’s 2 years younger than me) and her boyfriend and I was so excited because I thought I was going to be sitting alone all night. Anyways, they hugged me and took me into their TV room and 2 other people were sitting there but the lights were off and I couldn’t see them. Once the lights were on, I was like “NO” because Alan, this guy that is ALWAYS following me around at school, was there. He jumped up and hugged me and sat me next to him. He’s really annoying and he would put his head on my shoulder and try to play footsies with me. I was so happy when my mom told me it was time to go home. I drove home (my parents were drunk) in my dad’s HUGE diesel truck and almost got us killed (oops).

So, I get home and open my laptop and open my email and I had a notification from Facebook (I never even get on it anymore) that said that Alan messaged me. So I go to Facebook and read the message and he’s asking for my number. OK NO THANKS. I feel bad but he’s really annoying. Like, beyond annoying. *Sigh* If he brings the message up, I’ll just say I never checked Facebook.

Goodnight everyone! Sorry for such a long post! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The History of “Us”

So, if you guys have read my posts, I reeeeaally like my best friend, Darren. He’s smart, charming, outgoing, handsome, talented, and hilarious. And my favorite aspect of him is that he’s literally a male version of me. It’s just so perfect. 

I’ve had a mini crush on him since the day we were both picked to be drum majors for our school marching band. That was roughly 5 months ago. I had a boyfriend then, but I fell head over heels for Darren. My relationship ended and I was able to get closer to Darren.

We’re really close. But it’s weird. Like, we don’t tell each other secrets (only some select few) the way other “best friends” do. We just really enjoy each other’s company. I’ve snuck him out of campus a number of times (he’s a junior and I’m a senior so I have off-periods and he doesn’t) and we just go relax at my house. One of the times I snuck him out, we went to my house and watched a movie at his request. My parents were both at work. But we still sat on separate sofas though. After the movie was over, my neighbor and childhood friend came over and wanted to cook lunch for us and after she cooked and we all ate, she left and Darren and I were alone again. This time he wanted to watch a scary movie. Insidious to be exact. The movie I’m most scared of and he knew that! And guess what? He sat next to me this time with the lights off SQUEAL! Long story short, we mildly cuddled. But to the point that neither of us acknowledged the cuddling and we still haven’t to this day. Oh yeah, before I forget, WE HAVE KISSED ON THE LIPS. This was before the whole cuddling thing. We were waiting for band practice to start and he just randomly says “I kissed 4 girls today. Wanna be the 5th?” and I’m like “WTF that’s retarded and obviously not special.” and he just says “Best for last… It’s special. Pleaaaseeee.” and I kept saying no until he grabbed me and kissed me. It was awesome. I have a feeling he didn’t really kiss 4 other girls that day because he named one of the other girls and I asked her if he kissed her and she said no.

Our relationship is so weird. All of our friends are always telling us “Just go out already!” and we both just laugh and shake our heads. I just don’t know. We text every single day. Not all day because we get busy, obviously, but we always have something to laugh about. It just confuses me because every romantic moment we’ve had, he kind of shoves it aside. He’s not the type to say what he feels and he’s not a touchy feely kind of guy. His feelings are buried deep but I really want to know if he really cares for me.

Date night!

I just got back from a night out with, you guessed it, DARREN! Woo! I spent the earlier part of my day bonding with my dad while we hunted (we didn’t kill anything). Then on my way back home, Darren texted me that we should go see a movie (SQUEAL). Our town is small. The only places to hang out are McDonald’s, Wal-Mart, and the movie theatre. I’m not even kidding. I picked him up and we went to the movies but it was already 8:00 pm so we missed most of the showings and the next one for Jack Reacher was at 10:05 pm. I was NOT going home. So we ended up buying blizzards from Dairy Queen and eating at a newly built park. New hangout spot? It was about 40 degrees and we were eating ice cream. Oh my, the things I do to be with the one I love. Anyways, we almost froze to death so we went into my car and just warmed up until it was time to drive back to the movies.

I love spending time with him and I seriously see us as a couple because we constantly have each other laughing. Like, if you guys have seen Jack Reacher, you’ll know there’s a number of serious parts. Darren and I laughed at the littlest things the whole time. It’s just so cute. So the movie was over after midnight and I drove him home. He said thanks and that he had a good time and he’d text me tomorrow (we usually text everyday). I seriously hope he sees these “hangouts” as more as just friends hanging out. Maybe tomorrow I’ll post a history on our almost love life. I need opinions of what you think of the possible “us”. 

Christmas Day

I love my family. I really do! But they already ruined Christmas for me. As usual. Don’t get me wrong, I got everything I wanted and more. Their attitudes are what gets to me. My sister and I are spoiled. Extremely. My parents have money and they aren’t afraid to spend it. And I resent that fact. I hate getting everything. I feel that I don’t deserve ANY of my belongings. I want to work for my own money but my parents won’t let me.

My point is the fact that we are spoiled. My sister is much worse. She got everything. May I add that she’s 10? The little shit got an iphone 5 and already forgot about it. I think she lost it. She’s just playing minecraft. As usual. She got a $50 itunes card. I think she lost it. She got a wii u and a game for it. She cried because it was a “lame game”. I appreciated every present I got. All I wanted was a pink 3DS XL (I’m a ds freak) and I got it. My grandparents bought me the most beautiful music box and scarf and I couldn’t be happier. My sister? She’s crying because she didn’t have as much as last year. Last year she got things she hasn’t even opened to this day.

Because of this selfishness and greed that comes with Christmas, I’m starting to hate it. I never thought I’d dislike Christmas but I’m pretty sure I do now. We’re going to celebrate at my grandmother’s house today but I think I’m just going to sit down with my new DS in a corner and play my Harvest Moon game all day. I’m sick of my sister. So sick. Her attitude makes me sick. I work for what I have (in a way). I get straight A’s, I’m accepted into my dream college, and I have ambitions. My sister’s ambitions are building houses on Minecraft. Not to mention she gets C’s in her classes because SHE’S ALWAYS PLAYING MINECRAFT. I’m so sick. I need to stop before I go on forever.